Adventures in Relationship and Community

Here is yesterday’s quote from transformational coach Steve Chandler (one of my favorite teachers):

“If your mind is on the right path, it doesn’t matter how fast you go. If you’re on the right path, you’ll get there. Commitment keeps you on the path.”

And then:

“The hardest thing for people in western culture to unlearn is the short attention span that’s encouraged by television, entertainment,  letting the kids rule the roost, and by letting untrue victim thoughts  become our belief systems.  And this inability to be quiet and real is really just the inability to return the mind to the most important thing it can be thinking about in any given moment. It leads to a very confused life full of much unfinished business. The unfinished business then leads to drama. The drama leads to self-dramatization including wild stories about how other people are making us unhappy. This self-dramatization replaces the committed life.”

Man I relate to this (short attention span, me???  Self-dramatization???).

Steve Chandler, incidentally, is one of America’s highest-paid coaches, writers and consultants.  He charges $50k for an internship, which I believe is worth every penny.  I am saving up for it :).

As I was reading this quote yesterday my life changed irrevocably.  It finally dawned on me that since my life purpose – the thing that I love to do, that I was born to do, that I would do even if I never earned a dime from it - is creating communities of transformation, and nurturing transformational relationships, all that I need to do is to commit to earning my primary livelihood in that way.  Nothing more and nothing less.  That is the solution to the work-life income problem that I have been debating inside for 4 months and more.

Within less than 24 hours of this realization, by strange coincidence, all kinds of powerful business ideas and opportunities opened up around Trellis, the transformational community where I live, which I will share later.  The end result was to realize that I need to take on the Trellis business on a much larger scale than I had previously contemplated.  Along with this, I need to change both my presentation and my self-image around that – to start treating it like a business rather than a hobby – a business of personal transformation, which is what it is.

Later, a friend of mine wrote to me that she was having a hard-time, that nothing seemed to be working out, she was discouraged and depressed.  I replied (among other things) as follows: State what you want and decide that nothing less will be acceptable.  Period.  And I said it too, aloud, and a strange thrill went down my spine.

I have frequently quoted the mountaineer W.H. Murray on this same topic, but it is well-worth repeating:

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, the providence moves too. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.”

More to follow…

April 22nd, 2009 | Category: Adventures in Community | Author: Marc| Be the first to comment!

This morning at breakfast, we had three house guests.  Marc made scrambled eggs with spinach, and french toast, and cut fruit. There was lots of hub bub and fun, and Wade, Judy and Josh, who are all in a Jealousy, Money and Posession course this weekend, told us about their experience.  Alan, our new friend from a Shalom Mountain retreat had come down yesterday for a Shalom gathering. Last night, a bunch of us watched Mamma Mia in sing a long mode.  That was a blast.  Abba is a better antidote to depression than Prozac.  Try it sometime.

It really proves the old saying, “the more the merrier.”  I like it when there are lots of people around to play with.  Sure it sometimes gets noisy, and messy.  Definitely, you have to constantly take into account “the insane ideas of your collaborators” (a Vic Baranco saying).  But the reason I live with a group is that I like the stimulation that lots of people provide.  Last month we had lots of people here for a Basic Sensuality course taught by Lafayette Morehouse members.  Next weekend, dozens of people are coming to experience Waking Down founders Saniel and Linda Bonder.

That’s the comings, and now the goings.  In the last couple of months, two of our housemembers moved out.  It’s been pretty quiet around here. This happens, and it is always like losing a member of the family.  You want them to pursue their life dreams and the path that is laid out for them, and at the same time, you miss them.  We also miss them financially, and no new house members were immediately apparent, so we advertised for renters.  And none have come.  I think this is righteous.  We want to live in a house that is full of committed community members, not renters.  Right now, I’m waiting for the vaccum to suck in the new folks.  I know they’re out there, and they are probably not the people I think are coming.  I experienced this when I lived in Yonkers.  You stick out the lean time, and it passes.  The answers seems to me to be “Party on,”  and “if you build it, they will come.”  My plan is to keep making my life and my house look like I envision it.  I am putting more attention on my personal gratification, and less on what I think I should be doing.  I am planning to leave my job in the next few weeks, so that I can put all my attention on the things I love. . .my family, my community, my growth as a spiritual being, my creativity.  I’m confident that this is where my joy will come from, and as a natural outflow of that, the money.

Here is my vision:  Trellis is thriving with 12 – 15 housemembers.  We are so full, we buy the house next door to keep growing as a community.  At least once a month we host a major workshop or course, with several other groups running on a weekly or monthly basis.  Marc and I have ten or more coaching clients for either our relationship coaching, my diet coaching/healing practice etc.  I have lots of time to write, travel, sing and dance, talk on the phone, and watch Angel re-runs with Ariana.  Marc is in his passion too, and all our financial needs are abundantly taken care of.  We travel and study, and have a juicy romantic relationship that is the source of all our power.  Everyone around us is going for their visions, and we all live in an awareness of the continuous presence of love.

We are always either coming or going in life.  I’m coming into my power and going after my dreams.  How about you?

March 29th, 2009 | Category: Adventures in Community | Author: Rebekah| Be the first to comment!

There have been some pretty extraordinary events recently both for me and for my community (Trellis House), of which the most significant is my encounter with spiritual teacher Saniel Bonder. It’s too long to tell in a single mail, and so I am writing a three-part series about it:  To skip my narcissistic ramblings and jump straight to the info about Saniel and Linda’s tour to Philadelphia and New York click here.

• Part 1 (this mail) is about my developmental journey over the past 7 months, which has involved a chain of events, both internal and external, for which I feel deeply blessed and grateful.
• Part 2 is going to be about Saniel Bonder and his developmental philosophy (that is called Waking Down), that has completely swept me away and created a kind of coagulation of all the different facets of my thinking around issues of development, and clarified the nature of my being-in-the-world and my work. I will describe the basic concepts of Waking Down and the impact they have had on me.
• Part 3 is about the changes that have occurred in me, particularly in how I am bringing this work into the world and also taking myself back into the “marketplace”, or the real-world exchange of goods, services and ideas. In other words, it’s about how I am able to hold onto an experience of “awakening” (of sorts) and still pay the bills.

More »

March 21st, 2009 | Category: Adventures in Community | Author: Marc| Be the first to comment!

That is a quote from a card in something called eXperience the Game. Friends of ours invented this game which is really an excuse for people to relate, to communicate on a more subtle level than we usually do. And this quote stuck in my mind, and seems particularly relevant as we start a new year.

I expect this year to be full of growth, joy, happiness, good health, financial abundance and prosperity. That’s no change at all, because that happens every year. The problem is, we never know what it is going to look like.

In 2008, I lost fifty pounds, stood up to my abusive ex-husband in two law suits, successfully worked outside the house half-time, grew our community from a bunch of renters to a handful of committed members, and watched my oldest daughter start high school and become a young woman with a (gasp!) serious boyfriend. My husband Marc left the safe niche of a company he had freelanced with off and on for years, and became an independent contractor. For a while, he worked full time outside the house too, and now he is looking for contracts that will allow him to work from home. We started making financial amends to a slew of creditors left behind after we sold our web business. Marc started juicing. Marc quit coffee, started drinking coffee, quit coffee again. In the new year, he is planning a sleep experiment that turns the traditional clock on its head.

There are lots of changes but they are subtle and gradual. I have a new five sizes smaller wardrobe and more housemates. I go to work, and now Marc stays home. I discovered that I really enjoy chauffeuring my youngest daughter to gymnastics and watching her work out (as much as 5 days a week). But the changes are really incremental, and life goes on as it always has, except a little more vividly. I have a deeper relationship to my daughters (it is amazing how having something be put in jeopardy leads to cherishing it). I have had to wrestle with demons of fear, anxiety, depression and surrender, leading in turn to new life skills. I have experienced my relationship with Marc as getting more real, more challenging, and also more intimate. Some days I felt so overwhelmed that all I could do was put one foot in front of the other towards the next right thing; which might have been as simple as eating breakfast, or taking a shower. I am realizing that control is an illusion, and sometimes the only thing left to do is let everything you thought you knew go, to make room for something new.

You might be thinking, “good health happens every year? This was the year I got a scary diagnosis.” Well, what did you decide to do with that news? Did you start a new health regimen, or really look at the stressors in your life and eliminate them, or stop taking your days for granted because they were numbered? Financial prosperity? That has nothing to do with how much money you have, but how you feel about it. This year, I spent less on holiday presents because I had other uses for the money, and yet enjoyed the experience more. I’m a prosperous woman, because I look at everything that comes to me as a gift, waiting to be revealed. My dad always used to say “Rebekah, you could look at a room full of shit and you’d go looking for the pony.” That isn’t always my first reaction when surprise comes down the pike, but it is my last.

I’m looking forward to 2009. I hope you are too, and that you always find the pony.

January 5th, 2009 | Category: Adventures in Community | Author: Rebekah| Be the first to comment!